So this last weekend I attended a wedding of a co-worker. While they were stating there vows to one another I was watching them and realizing how they are the picture of innocence. They are both 20 years old, they are high school sweethearts, he is in the Marines and she has never lived outside of her mother's house. And it was so exciting to watch them as they start their lives together, so fresh, no baggage and it got me thinking...
I remember when I was young, dumb, and retardley in love....many, many, moons ago.....
Now looking back at it this weekend it makes me feel old and cynical. I am now almost half way through my 28th year on this planet and I feel as though I have nothing to show for it other then 10yrs of off and on college -no degree, one failed marriage under my belt, and a crap load of debit (thanks to the ex.hubby). This is not what I thought or where I thought I would be at when I was nearing my 30's. I feel as though I'm way far behind in life. I don't own my own home, I haven't even purchased my first car yet (the beast is in my parents name). I have nothing in a savings anywhere. And even though I LOVE my job I still wouldn't call it a profession by any means.
Now don't get me wrong, I have no regrets on my past the only thing I wish I could do over again would be the school part....so much money wasted. But I think its time I really start to focus on my future and what I want. I have been lucky enough to have found love again with my Bradley so that part is taken care of. Since I've been divorced I stopped thinking so much about the future and started focusing more on the here and now. I was scared to think about the future b/c the future I had planned was no longer an option.
But now I'm ready!
I have been slowly paying off my debit. I hope to go to and finish school starting this next summer, which will still take a couple of years. One day I hope to buy myself a new car and even a house and maybe even get married again. I hope that I still have the close friends I that I have today and that my Bradley is still by my side.
Wow! I just got a rush of anxiety saying all that out loud...
I remember when I was young, dumb, and retardley in love....many, many, moons ago.....
Now looking back at it this weekend it makes me feel old and cynical. I am now almost half way through my 28th year on this planet and I feel as though I have nothing to show for it other then 10yrs of off and on college -no degree, one failed marriage under my belt, and a crap load of debit (thanks to the ex.hubby). This is not what I thought or where I thought I would be at when I was nearing my 30's. I feel as though I'm way far behind in life. I don't own my own home, I haven't even purchased my first car yet (the beast is in my parents name). I have nothing in a savings anywhere. And even though I LOVE my job I still wouldn't call it a profession by any means.
Now don't get me wrong, I have no regrets on my past the only thing I wish I could do over again would be the school part....so much money wasted. But I think its time I really start to focus on my future and what I want. I have been lucky enough to have found love again with my Bradley so that part is taken care of. Since I've been divorced I stopped thinking so much about the future and started focusing more on the here and now. I was scared to think about the future b/c the future I had planned was no longer an option.
But now I'm ready!
I have been slowly paying off my debit. I hope to go to and finish school starting this next summer, which will still take a couple of years. One day I hope to buy myself a new car and even a house and maybe even get married again. I hope that I still have the close friends I that I have today and that my Bradley is still by my side.
Wow! I just got a rush of anxiety saying all that out loud...
4 comments:
You'll still have this friend! Liberty's and moo-moo's, remember!
Oh Honey. I totaly know how you are feeling. I will be 30 in about a little over a month and I dont feel like I have accomplished much. But like my blog says and i believe it with all my heart "It's never too late to be who you might have been!!!" Just rember that and know that everything happens for a reason and only to make you a better person. I thought I would be single the rest of my life until I met Scott and that all changed. I hoped to have been married by the time i was 30 and have a family. So that is not going to happen it will be after I trun 30 but that is what God had planned for me. Hang in there and know that if you need anything! sholder, ears to listen you can call me.
Just remember - everything has worked out the way it was supposed to happen. You would never have met Bradley if it wasn't for the whole ex-situation--and you may not have met me, either!!! Just keep your head up and know that you have friends who are always here for you. Always.
P.S. I love the pink polka dots!
Living in the present instead of looking towards the future...that's exactly the perspective change I'm going through now that I'm getting divorced.
Nice post!
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